About a year ago I started this production
blog fully anticipating that the post I would be writing today would be titled
something like “I AM DONE”
As you can see this is not the
case.
I am sad.
More than sad.
These last four months have been
horrible. Things could not have gone more wrong. And I have never worked so
hard in my life.
Before getting much more into
this there are some things you should know.
1.
Animation
takes a lot of time
2.
Learning
a new skill set takes a lot of time
3.
Making
polished work takes a lot of time
There wasn’t enough time.
I would like to write about two
issues that have been plaguing this project for a while now.
Problem one:
Dear Past Robyn,
Choosing to learn CG and
then creating a short animated film all within a two year period is too much to
chew. You will end up choking.
Sincerely
Present Robyn
In retrospect I think quite a few of my
decisions were naïve as I greatly underestimated the complexity of CG
animation.
As a bit of history, I chose to
attend the Capilano University Digital Animation program between my third and
fourth year at Emily Carr University of Art and Design where I am majoring in
animation. Capilano is known in Vancouver for their great skill building
animation programs. (For the record it was great! I will always be extremely
happy that I chose to attend that program) ECUAD, on the other hand, is known
for other things such as building creativity, but not technical skill
building. I specifically chose to go between my third and fourth year because I
wanted the skills from Capilano for my thesis project this year at ECUAD.
Going into it, I thought CG would
be hard.
It turned out to be exponentially harder.
Also working solo on a short film
with my minimal CG experience combined with the lack of technical support at
ECUAD was frankly pretty idiotic.
CG is not a career path, it is
multiple career paths! Modeling, Texturing, Rigging, Animating all are
different career choices.
Trying to do all of these things
was just…overwhelming.
Problem Two:
Dear ECUAD Animation
Program,
Please do not require me to
make a short film in my fourth year if you are not going to provide any time
for me to make it. Are you unaware of how much time animation takes?
Sincerely
Robyn Fulbrook
Before
I get into this I must say a few things. Earlier I said that ECUAD was not known for technical skill building, instead I have found Emily Carr to be a
school for building ideas. My time at ECUAD has taught me how to think outside
the norm, to aspire and dream beyond limitations. The school often presents
more diverse concepts and methods of creating which I attribute to transforming
my interest in animation to a profound admiration. Because of some
extraordinary teachers I feel I have grown not only as an animator but as a
person. I do not always agree with or understand the school’s curriculum, never-the-less,
I have been truly inspired during my studies at EUCAD and it will help shape
and build my career in invaluable ways.
That being said…
I don’t know why animation students
are not given any studio time to work on their films.
On top of that, there is only one fourth year class. So if you are like
me and have a full course load (none of the credits from Capilano transferred –
don't ask me
why?) then you now have third year classes with third year curriculum to
contend with.
This is what my fourth year
was like: The amount of work in a full course load is like working
a full-time job. Trying to make a 4 minute animated film is like
working a full-time job. Add the technical difficulties of CG animation = one
extremely overwhelmed and stressed out animation student.
Somehow I managed to survive the
fall semester. The spring semester was a different story. (I think you can only
pull so many 15 hour plus days before you start burning out)
I remember starting
the spring semester just praying that my new classes would work
in conjunction with my grad film. Unfortunately that didn't happen. Call me
crazy but if you are required to make a short film in fourth year shouldn’t the
classes help you to achieve that goal as much as possible? I would like to take a second here to thank
some of my teachers who were very helpful and understanding. My situation was
bad, but without their help and flexibility it would have been a lot worse.
Even the fourth year class became
problematic. There was a lot of talking but extremely little doing. At first I
found this to be very helpful. Gaining an outside perspective definitely
provided valuable insight to my story. But with the clock continually ticking down, it
became increasingly difficult to sit for six hours each week talking about our
grad films. Every week that slipped by, the chances of finishing became
less and less likely. And talking is not animating.
Pretty quickly into the spring
semester it became apparent that I was going to have to make a choice: Grad
Film or Grades
I chose my film.
Simply because I have never
wanted anything in my life so badly as to make a film I could be proud of for graduation and
after developing the concept so much I desperately wanted to bring my ideas to
fruition.
Unfortunately, life doesn’t always
work the way you want it to.
Dear Fate,
I really could have used a
little luck over these last four months.
Sincerely
Robyn
Skipping over intense headaches,
back pain, anxiety attacks, and computer problems
To my current situation
I did not finish my grad film
I did not graduate
My grades dropped like an 808
I went from straight A’s to,
well; let’s just say I passed… barely.
And I have never worked so hard.
Ever.
Dusting Myself Off, Picking up the Pieces and
Moving Forward
I am going to continue making Porcelain.
Even though the last past months
have been hellish
At times I have never hated
anything as much as this project but I have also never cared about one so much.
So from this point forward Porcelain
is no longer my thesis film.
It is now simply my film
And I feel excited again
For the longest time, I felt like I was
drowning in this project and that my film somehow wasn’t mine anymore. Initially I found
my classes helped my film become stronger in concept and approach but somewhere
along the line things changed and at the end it felt like I was forcing Porcelain
to fit the expectations of my university classes as opposed to creating
my film. I cannot express how painful it was to build a concept for so long only
to find myself
hacking and
slashing because there simply wasn’t any time left.
But now that I have failed at
this game so spectacularly I am left with
Just me
And the fragment of an unfinished
film
But I can breathe again
So I plan to pick up the pieces
And finish my film
My way.
Here is a teaser for my film.
