Heartbreaks and Deadlines

About a year ago I started this production blog fully anticipating that the post I would be writing today would be titled something like “I AM DONE”

As you can see this is not the case.

I am sad.

More than sad.

These last four months have been horrible. Things could not have gone more wrong. And I have never worked so hard in my life.

Before getting much more into this there are some things you should know.
1.       Animation takes a lot of time
2.       Learning a new skill set takes a lot of time
3.       Making polished work takes a lot of time

There wasn’t enough time.

I would like to write about two issues that have been plaguing this project for a while now.

Problem one:

Dear Past Robyn,

Choosing to learn CG and then creating a short animated film all within a two year period is too much to chew. You will end up choking.

Sincerely
Present Robyn

In retrospect I think quite a few of my decisions were naïve as I greatly underestimated the complexity of CG animation.

As a bit of history, I chose to attend the Capilano University Digital Animation program between my third and fourth year at Emily Carr University of Art and Design where I am majoring in animation. Capilano is known in Vancouver for their great skill building animation programs. (For the record it was great! I will always be extremely happy that I chose to attend that program) ECUAD, on the other hand, is known for other things such as building creativity, but not technical skill building. I specifically chose to go between my third and fourth year because I wanted the skills from Capilano for my thesis project this year at ECUAD.

Going into it, I thought CG would be hard.
It turned out to be exponentially harder.

Also working solo on a short film with my minimal CG experience combined with the lack of technical support at ECUAD was frankly pretty idiotic.

CG is not a career path, it is multiple career paths! Modeling, Texturing, Rigging, Animating all are different career choices.

Trying to do all of these things was just…overwhelming.

Problem Two:

Dear ECUAD Animation Program,

Please do not require me to make a short film in my fourth year if you are not going to provide any time for me to make it. Are you unaware of how much time animation takes?

Sincerely
Robyn Fulbrook

Before I get into this I must say a few things. Earlier I said that ECUAD was not known for technical skill building, instead I have found Emily Carr to be a school for building ideas. My time at ECUAD has taught me how to think outside the norm, to aspire and dream beyond limitations. The school often presents more diverse concepts and methods of creating which I attribute to transforming my interest in animation to a profound admiration. Because of some extraordinary teachers I feel I have grown not only as an animator but as a person. I do not always agree with or understand the school’s curriculum, never-the-less, I have been truly inspired during my studies at EUCAD and it will help shape and build my career in invaluable ways.

 

That being said…

I don’t know why animation students are not given any studio time to work on their films. On top of that, there is only one fourth year class. So if you are like me and have a full course load (none of the credits from Capilano transferred – don't ask me why?) then you now have third year classes with third year curriculum to contend with.

This is what my fourth year was like:  The amount of work in a full course load is like working a full-time job. Trying to make a 4 minute animated film is like working a full-time job. Add the technical difficulties of CG animation = one extremely overwhelmed and stressed out animation student.

Somehow I managed to survive the fall semester. The spring semester was a different story. (I think you can only pull so many 15 hour plus days before you start burning out)

I remember starting the spring semester just praying that my new classes would work in conjunction with my grad film. Unfortunately that didn't happen. Call me crazy but if you are required to make a short film in fourth year shouldn’t the classes help you to achieve that goal as much as possible? I would like to take a second here to thank some of my teachers who were very helpful and understanding. My situation was bad, but without their help and flexibility it would have been a lot worse.

Even the fourth year class became problematic. There was a lot of talking but extremely little doing. At first I found this to be very helpful. Gaining an outside perspective definitely provided valuable insight to my story. But with the clock continually ticking down, it became increasingly difficult to sit for six hours each week talking about our grad films.  Every week that slipped by, the chances of finishing became less and less likely. And talking is not animating.

Pretty quickly into the spring semester it became apparent that I was going to have to make a choice: Grad Film or Grades

I chose my film.

Simply because I have never wanted anything in my life so badly as to make a film I could be proud of for graduation and after developing the concept so much I desperately wanted to bring my ideas to fruition. 

Unfortunately, life doesn’t always work the way you want it to.

Dear Fate,

I really could have used a little luck over these last four months.

Sincerely
Robyn

Skipping over intense headaches, back pain, anxiety attacks, and computer problems

To my current situation

I did not finish my grad film

I did not graduate

My grades dropped like an 808

I went from straight A’s to, well; let’s just say I passed… barely.

And I have never worked so hard.

Ever.

Dusting Myself Off, Picking up the Pieces and Moving Forward

I am going to continue making Porcelain.

Even though the last past months have been hellish

At times I have never hated anything as much as this project but I have also never cared about one so much.

So from this point forward Porcelain is no longer my thesis film.

It is now simply my film

And I feel excited again

For the longest time, I felt like I was drowning in this project and that my film somehow wasn’t mine anymore. Initially I found my classes helped my film become stronger in concept and approach but somewhere along the line things changed and at the end it felt like I was forcing Porcelain to fit the expectations of my university classes as opposed to creating my film. I cannot express how painful it was to build a concept for so long only to find myself hacking and slashing because there simply wasn’t any time left.

But now that I have failed at this game so spectacularly I am left with

Just me

And the fragment of an unfinished film

But I can breathe again

So I plan to pick up the pieces

And finish my film

My way.

Here is a teaser for my film.