Poke,
poke…poke
Poke…
It doesn’t seem to be moving
Poke…
I can’t tell if it’s alive or dead
Poke…
One thing’s for sure, my film Porcelain is
not doing so good.
Last blog post I promised to model a doll.
I begrudgingly (I still am having a difficult time mustering up motivation)
worked on one for a while. And then it happened again
I lost work.
 |
| it's the lattice...should of saved another version of the file |
I do not think I can express the full extent
of my frustration. In fact I don’t think it is frustration anymore. It’s evolved
into this weird acceptance that this project is supposed to go wrong. It is in
the very nature of the fundament fibres that make up this production I have
dubbed “Porcelain” to continually and horribly and devastatingly fail.
There I said it.
FAIL.
Part of me thinks that perhaps Porcelain
died some time ago and in my denial I have developed the mantra “it’s still
good, it’s still good” while grotesquely parading its corpus around like some hideous
Weekend at Bernie’s stint.
I really don’t want Porcelain to die but I’m
having a hard time coming up with reasons to keep it going. Right now the
strongest argument I have is because I have put so much time and effort into it
already. I am scared that if I don’t finish Porcelain it would mean that I have
essentially wasted the last 2 years of my life.
Part of me believes that Porcelain might be
the stupidest idea I have ever conceived and I am a giant idiot for pouring so
much into it. It’s better to put it out of its misery now before wasting more
time and effort on such an idiotic concept.
Yet I keep insisting that there’s something
here worth working towards
There was once passion and inspiration. I
remember feeling that way
But I can’t remember why
I am not yet ready to declare Porcelain
dead
I’ll just stand here poking at it with a
stick
Hoping for it to twitch with some sign of
life
Poke…
Poke…
Poke.
